This post is sponsored by SignUp.com. All sarcasm is my own. Special thanks for fans of The Champagne Supernova’s Facebook page for helping to create this post.
The end of summer signals the beginning of long lines at local retail stores.
Loose leaf paper.
Compasses and protractors.
If you’re like me, you miss the days of the psychedelic Trapper Keepers, but I digress.
I owned a Trapper Keeper with this exact same pattern when I was in Ms. Kincaid’s Second Grade class at Bunnell Elementary School. Yes, I went to elementary school in Bunnell, which explains my backwoods roots.
At the front of the line is usually a mom who is seen reluctantly coughing up her credit card at the end of the transaction.
She does all of the work, but what is the glory?
It’s a quiet house between the hours of 8:30 a.m. and 3:00 p.m.
And this got me thinking.
Why don’t moms get lists of supplies they need to
celebrate commiserate with their friends about their kids returning to school?
If there was a back-to-school for moms list, this is what it would look like:
Barrels of wine.
Shoot, an entire winery where we can go barefoot in the barrels (while also drinking wine) a-la Lucy and Ethel.
A blanket for a much-needed (and uninterrupted nap).
A gourmet lunch that is not the kids’ unfinished mac and cheese, PB&J, or soggy Cheerios.
A purse that contains only lipstick, an ID, and credit card. No bug spray, sunscreen, hand sanitizer, goggles, boogie wipes, or extra undies for in-case-of-an-accident.
(Ask me about the time a police officer removed a pair of little girls’ Barbie underwear from my purse when I was going through the security line one busy morning at the courthouse. Not awkward. Not awkward at all.)
The highest pair of stiletto heels known to man that you can wear to prance around town. Cuz Lord knows you wear flip flops, sneakers, and, God forbid, Crocs as part your normal “Mom Uniform.”
A stack of magazines you ordinarily have no time to read.
Ear plugs. Someone’s screaming? It’s not your kid, so it doesn’t matter.
Permanent markers. That you can use and color on whatever the heck you want. Don’t worry, you can re-hide them before you pick up the kids.
You know you’ll miss them.
Here’s to a great start to the new school year.