Archive of ‘Home + Entertainment’ category

Prank Calling: Joquetta Jackson and the Infamous Sheet Cake


prank calls | The Champagne Supernova

Now that the cat is out of the bag about me being immature, I want to share a story about an old and dear friend, Joquetta Jackson.

Joquetta works hard as the bakery manager at Winn-Dixie, a popular grocery chain in the southeastern United States.

While she knows how to make things like cookies and pastries, Joquetta’s real “bread and butter” (see what I did there?) is sheet cakes.

Joquetta’s got a sheet cake to celebrate every occasion.

Paternity determinations.

The syndication of Friends.

Finally removing that pesky hangnail.

Her creativity knows no limits.

Only Joquetta Jackson isn’t a real person.

She’s a fictional character my friends and I created for the purpose of prank calling innocent victims in college (oh God, and law school) when we should have been doing more important things like studying for exams, working out, washing our hair… the usual.

People were always so confused when we called.

I’ll begin with my now father-in-law. (I wasn’t married at the time.) It was 2007 and the 30th anniversary of Elvis’ death.

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    Negative Body Image: One Thing I’ll Never Discuss with My Daughter


    I was in line at the grocery store last week when the words rung out in my ears. A mother was shaming her middle school-aged daughter for wanting a Kit-Kat bar.

    “Chocolate isn’t part of your diet,” she hissed, “and your pants are already too tight to begin with.”

    The mother removed the candy from the shopping cart and placed it back onto the rack in front of the register.

    Knowing I heard this exchange and probably embarrassed, the daughter looked like she was going to cry.

    It wasn’t my place to intervene, but I was wondering what this woman said to her daughter at home behind closed doors, considering she was so nasty in public.

    I thought about the girl on my entire drive home.

    How I felt sorry for her.

    How, to me, she didn’t look overweight at all. Her pants certainly weren’t tight.

    How I was grateful for my own mother for not body shaming me and my sister when we were growing up. For not pressuring us to look a certain way.

    Perhaps this girl’s mother, who appeared obese, was projecting her own negative self-image onto her daughter.

    I had a friend in college we’ll call Kristy. Blond haired, olive skin, tall, and naturally toned muscles, Kristy was the prettiest girl in the room.

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      Back-To-School Supplies for Moms


      Be a back to school hero with SignUp.com | The Champagne Supernova

      Back to School Supplies for Moms | The Champagne Supernova

      This post is sponsored by SignUp.com. All sarcasm is my own. Special thanks for fans of The Champagne Supernova’s Facebook page for helping to create this post. 

      The end of summer signals the beginning of long lines at local retail stores.

      Spiral notebooks.

      Loose leaf paper.

      Crayons.

      Ti83 calculators.

      Compasses and protractors.

      If you’re like me, you miss the days of the psychedelic Trapper Keepers, but I digress.

      Vintage Trapper Keeper from the 1980s | The Champagne Supernova

      I owned a Trapper Keeper with this exact same pattern when I was in Ms. Kincaid’s Second Grade class at Bunnell Elementary School. Yes, I went to elementary school in Bunnell, which explains my backwoods roots.

      At the front of the line is usually a mom who is seen reluctantly coughing up her credit card at the end of the transaction.

      She does all of the work, but what is the glory?

      It’s a quiet house between the hours of 8:30 a.m. and 3:00 p.m.

      And this got me thinking.

      Why don’t moms get lists of supplies they need to celebrate commiserate with their friends about their kids returning to school?

      If there was a back-to-school for moms list, this is what it would look like:

      Barrels of wine.

      Shoot, an entire winery where we can go barefoot in the barrels (while also drinking wine) a-la Lucy and Ethel.

      via GIPHY

      A blanket for a much-needed (and uninterrupted nap).

      A gourmet lunch that is not the kids’ unfinished mac and cheese, PB&J, or soggy Cheerios.

      A purse that contains only lipstick, an ID, and credit card. No bug spray, sunscreen, hand sanitizer, goggles, boogie wipes, or extra undies for in-case-of-an-accident.

      (Ask me about the time a police officer removed a pair of little girls’ Barbie underwear from my purse when I was going through the security line one busy morning at the courthouse. Not awkward. Not awkward at all.)

      The highest pair of stiletto heels known to man that you can wear to prance around town. Cuz Lord knows you wear flip flops, sneakers, and, God forbid, Crocs as part your normal “Mom Uniform.”

      A stack of magazines you ordinarily have no time to read.

      R-rated movies.

      Ear plugs. Someone’s screaming? It’s not your kid, so it doesn’t matter.

      Permanent markers. That you can use and color on whatever the heck you want. Don’t worry, you can re-hide them before you pick up the kids.

      Tissues.

      You know you’ll miss them.

      Here’s to a great start to the new school year.

      Cheers!

      Make your volunteer life easier with SignUp.com | The Champagne Supernova

       

        Kitchen Remodel: White Kitchen


        White kitchen remodel before and after | The Champagne Supernova

        Since we moved into our home in 2010, we have been less than excited about our kitchen. While it was spacious and modern-ish (the house was built in 2007), we weren’t in love with the light colored wood cabinets and dark granite countertops.

        As we didn’t see ourselves living in the house for a long time, we held off on updating the kitchen until we recently decided to give it a face lift, in hopes that it would add value to the house over time. (And also because we decided we are staying put in the house.)

        Luckily, we didn’t need to undertake major structural changes such as knocking down walls or relocating appliances. This project was entirely cosmetic.

        I’ve always loved a white kitchen, but didn’t want to paint the existing cabinets because it can be easy to mess up and the quality of the work is typically poor. (You can sometimes see streaks of paint.)

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          Adventures in Lawyering: The Porn Star


          Funny stories about being an attorney | The Champagne Supernova

          I’ve got some crazy lawyer stories. This is the first in a series of installments called “Adventures in Lawyering.” 

          Being an attorney ain’t all glitz and glamour.

          In fact, it usually isn’t.

          I’ve been practicing for almost a decade and can’t tell you the number of times I’ve sloshed through mud and debris at a construction site.

          Or the times I’ve had to sift through gory crime scene photographs and then get on an unrelated conference call five minutes later hoping the person on the other end didn’t know I had been crying (or dry heaving).

          The times I’ve received a plaintiff’s gynecology records in response to a subpoena and literally read their handwritten answer of “occasionally” when asked for their sex in an initial patient intake sheet.

          Or the time I went to a junk yard to examine a vehicle that had been involved in a fatal accident the night before. The junk yard worker, through his toothless mouth, looked at me and said:

          Smell that smell? 

          Yes, sir. (Gagging.) It’s putrid.

          That’s brain. Smell it once and you never forget. 

          Trust me, I’ll never forget.

          Autopsy photos.

          Check.

          Stucco density reports.

          Check.

          Laboratory results.

          Check.

          Dealing with irrational south Florida Rambo lawyers.

          Check.

          Spending time in courthouses where the other individuals walking through the security line made “The People of Wal-Mart” seem like the Rockefellers.

          Check.

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            Guest Bedroom Makeover featuring Establishment Home


            How to give your bedroom an easy and cheap makeover | The Champagne Supernova

            It was the red-headed step-child of the house.

            No offense to red heads.

            Our guest bedroom was an ugly hodgepodge of things we accumulated over the years.

            A rug and chair I found at a garage sale in 2008.

            A Pottery Barn dresser and sleigh bed I purchased from a college student on Craigslist when I moved to Tampa a decade ago. (For a total of $350, this was a steal, even back then.)

            A metal decoration above the bed that a neighbor had given to us before her husband was deployed to Germany.

            A comforter and sheets that were hand-me-downs from my mother.

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              Divorce: The Unobvious, Dirty Truth


              Things people need to expect when they are divorcing with children that most people won't tell you | The Champagne Supernova

              First comes love, then comes marriage… and sometimes comes divorce.

              I was recently reminded of this unfortunate truth when one of my favorite bloggers publicly and bravely announced that she and her husband were divorcing. They were high school sweethearts and share two young children.

              I have several friends and acquaintances who are either separated or divorced from their spouses. My own parents got divorced when I was in law school and while their maturity and religious faith enabled them to be good friends who get along well (thanks, Mom and Dad!), I witnessed the more difficult parts of their post-marriage journey as it was happening and while the wound was fresh.

              Divorce should be a judgment free zone, although it doesn’t usually happen that way. Nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors or truly understands the complexities of a relationship. Nobody appreciates how the intricate details of a childhood, career, and the very nature of our own idiosyncrasies play into a marriage.

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                How to Prevent a Hangover


                Foolproof way to prevent a hangover | The Champagne Supernova

                I recently attended a wedding just north of Atlanta the Saturday before Mother’s Day.

                The bride is a close friend and I was excited to get outta dodge for 36 hours to see her get hitched. I had plans of waking up early on Sunday to get the first flight back to Tampa so I could spend Mother’s Day with my family.

                My Mother-in-Law, Leslie, has a house near the wedding venue and was my “date” for the event, as my husband was also out of town on a marketing trip for business. (I know many reading this are shocked, but I hit the MIL jackpot. She’s young, not annoying, and doesn’t tell me how to raise my kids. We good.)

                As Leslie and I were getting ready for the wedding, I told her I was going to limit my alcohol intake to two glasses of wine the entire night.

                Famous last words.

                The wedding was truly spectacular. Gorgeous flowers. Beautiful scenery. Good company. A great song playlist. Delicious food.

                The party was rocking and the wine was flowing.

                And flowing.

                And flowing.

                I was over-served somewhere between Sweet Child O’ Mine and Summer of 69.

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                  Saving Money: Why Ting Mobile Makes Perfect Sense


                  How Ting Mobile is a great way to save on your cell phone bill | The Champagne Supernova

                  This blog post is proudly sponsored by Ting Mobile. However, all opinions are the real deal. 

                  I like saving money.

                  As a working parent, I work hard for my earnings and see them dwindle away so quickly each month.

                  Dance recitals. Tennis lessons. Gymnastics. Birthday parties. School uniforms. Doctor co-pays.

                  Sometimes I feel like The Bank of Mom.

                  As my monthly cell phone bill with my current provider is $150.00, I was excited about the opportunity to work with Ting Mobile and learn about their (extremely) low cost cellular services.

                  Low. Very low.

                  In fact, the base cost for Ting is $6 per month (you read that correctly!) for a phone line. Usage is shared across all devices. The more phones on a Ting account, the less you pay per phone.

                  Ting is pay-per-use, so you don’t have to sign up for any type of plan. Your usage during the month (phone minutes, text messages, and data) is what you pay for at the end of the month. What’s great is that minutes, messages, and data are all billed separately.

                  There are no contracts, overage fees, or other hidden B.S. (Pardon-a my French). You can try Ting for one month and leave the next month if you aren’t happy.

                  The vast majority (80%) of all phones manufactured in the last few years will work with Ting, so it’s likely the phone you already own is one of them. All you need is a Ting SIM card to get started. You can buy the phone from the Ting shop here (they are a verified seller of Apple iPhones!) or bring your own phone, based on your preference.

                  Ting has an easy-to-use phone compatibility checker you can use here so you can check RIGHT THIS MOMENT whether your phone will work with Ting.

                  Another great quality of Ting is that you don’t have to worry about having bad service. This is because Ting uses both Sprint and T-Mobile towers- you can choose the network that has better coverage in your area. In other words, Ting clients have identical network experience as people who are signed up directly with these carriers.

                  I can vouch firsthand this is completely accurate, as I used my Ting phone in a rural area of Georgia (along the Appalachian trial) earlier this month with zero coverage issues and complete service. High five, Ting!

                  How to save money using Ting Mobile | The Champagne Supernova

                  My littlest homey loves Ting!

                  Ting has also created an eBook on how to lower your data usage, which helps Ting customers save money on their monthly bills. Read it here.

                  One of my favorite things about Ting is their customer support involves calls that are actually answered by real, live people. No more having to press a series of numbers to get to the right department. Gone are the days of waiting on hold for twenty minutes to have your questions answered. Say adios to fruitlessly having to communicate with a computer.

                  I witnessed this personally when I called Ting last week after I was having (minor) issues setting up the Wifi on the iPhone 6 they sent to me. I was greeted by a friendly woman named Melissa on the second ring (!!) Melissa walked me through a couple steps to help troubleshoot the issue. She even called me back five minutes later to ensure there were still no issues.

                  You read that correctly. She called me back.

                  How is that amazing customer support for you? 

                  (Check out Ting Mobile’s Youtube channel highlighting their bar-none customer service here.)

                  Another thing I love about trying Ting? When switching over from your carrier, you can keep your existing phone number.

                  You don’t need permission from your provider to keep the number. You just keep it.

                  That means you don’t have to waste precious time sending mass texts to all of your contacts notifying them that you have a new number.

                  (And nobody wants to be held hostage on a mass text, anyway.)

                  Setting up my Ting took five minutes. I got the new iPhone directly from Ting, activated the SIM card online, and set up the iPhone. Boom. Done.

                  Give it a try and find out why Ting is the mobile that makes sense.

                  Use the promotion code of jennifer.ting.com and receive $25 off your bill. So you’re getting a month for free as the average bill is just $23 a month per phone.

                  Cheers to saving money! Cheers to Ting!

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