Prank Calling: Joquetta Jackson and the Infamous Sheet Cake


prank calls | The Champagne Supernova

Now that the cat is out of the bag about me being immature, I want to share a story about an old and dear friend, Joquetta Jackson.

Joquetta works hard as the bakery manager at Winn-Dixie, a popular grocery chain in the southeastern United States.

While she knows how to make things like cookies and pastries, Joquetta’s real “bread and butter” (see what I did there?) is sheet cakes.

Joquetta’s got a sheet cake to celebrate every occasion.

Paternity determinations.

The syndication of Friends.

Finally removing that pesky hangnail.

Her creativity knows no limits.

Only Joquetta Jackson isn’t a real person.

She’s a fictional character my friends and I created for the purpose of prank calling innocent victims in college (oh God, and law school) when we should have been doing more important things like studying for exams, working out, washing our hair… the usual.

People were always so confused when we called.

I’ll begin with my now father-in-law. (I wasn’t married at the time.) It was 2007 and the 30th anniversary of Elvis’ death.

Ring. Ring….

Father in law: Hello?

Joquetta: Um, yes, this is Joquetta Jackson from the Winn- Dixie bakery calling to let [father-in-law’s name] know that his sheet cake in the shape of Elvis Presley’s sideburn is ready for pick-up.

Pause.

Joquetta: Am I speaking with [father-in-law’s name]?

Father in law: No, this is his son. But I can assure you that he is not an Elvis fan and that he never ordered a sheet cake from Winn-Dixie.

Joquetta: Sir, yes he did. I have the order right in front of me. He wanted to commemorate the anniversary of Elvis’ death (“Rest in peace to the king…” begins singing Jailhouse Rock.)  You need to come pick it up immed…

Hangs up.

Never the quitter, Joquetta calls back.

Ring. Ring….

No answer.

How to prank call | The Champagne Supernova

Joquetta’s Elvis sheet cake for my father in law. Too bad he never picked it up and the fondant had to go to waste.

The next victim was a law school friend named Kevin. He was a smart and hardworking young lad whose efforts earned him an associate position at one of the country’s most respected silk-stocking law firms after graduation.

We’ll call the firm ABCLegal.

Ring. Ring….

Kevin: Hello?

Joquetta: Um, yes, this is Joquetta Jackson from the Winn- Dixie bakery calling to let Kevin [last name] know that his new associate appreciation sheet cake is ready for pick-up.

Pause.

Kevin: What? I’m confused. I never ordered any sheet cakes.

Joquetta: Yes, sir, but it’s my understanding it was ordered by ABCLegal as a gift for Kevin [last name]. Are you Kevin [last name]?

Kevin: Yes, I’ll come by later today to pick it up.

Kevin hung up.

We all thought Kevin was humoring Joquetta by telling her he would retrieve the cake with no real intention of doing so. However, we subsequently learned that Kevin actually got into his car, drove to the Winn-Dixie, and presented to the bakery asking for his non-existent sheet cake from a non-existent Joquetta Jackson.

I did feel bad.

But not bad enough to prevent me from laughing. (BTW- Kevin is a huge sport. The only reason he went to the Winn-Dixie to pick up the cake is because he didn’t want his future employer to potentially find out he abandoned it.)

It’s been a decade and I really need to deliver a sheet cake to Kevin’s house to make up for the misbehavior.

How to make an epic prank call | The Champagne Supernova

Joquetta’s lawyer sheet cake for Kevin, courtesy of his employer.

The next victim. A girl named Sally who was going to be celebrating her Bachelorette party in New Orleans.

Ring. Ring….

Sally: Hello?

Joquetta: Um, yes, this is Joquetta Jackson from the Winn- Dixie bakery calling to let Sally [last name] know that her bachelorette party sheet cake is ready for pick-up.

Pause.

Sally: I never ordered a sheet cake.

Joquetta: It’s already been paid for by the credit card number I have on file for you.

Sally: I never called and ordered a sheet cake and certainly didn’t give anyone my credit card number. 

Joquetta: Ma’am, respectfully that’s not true. I have a card number here on file with a billing address of 123 Oak Lane.

(Of course we know Sally’s address!)

Sally [angrily]: Read me the card number. Now!

Joquetta: Ma’am, it’s against company policy to divulge that information over the phone. How do I know you are who you say you are? Just come pick up this sheet cake before the buttercream frosting starts to melt. 

Sally hangs up.

How to make a great prank call | The Champagne Supernova

Joquetta’s bachelorette party sheet cake for Sally.

Joquetta Jackson hasn’t made an appearance in nearly a decade, but I enjoy keeping her memory alive.

Below are photographs of some more of Joquetta’s creations that I stole from the internet obtained from the Winn-Dixie website.

How to make a hilarious prank call | The Champagne Supernova

Joquetta’s sheet cake she prepared specially for Obama’s inauguration.

Joquetta Jackson and prank calls | The Champagne Supernova

Joquetta’s signature baby shower sheet cake.

How to have an epic prank call | The Champagne Supernova

Joquetta’s “it’s see you later not goodbye” cake for the person who is also the cat enthusiast.

How to have an epic prank call | The Champagne Supernova

Joquetta’s 40th birthday/ over the hill cake. Boy, does that Joquetta have a sense of humor!

Don’t hate the prankster: hate the prank!

Cheers!

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

    6 Comments on Prank Calling: Joquetta Jackson and the Infamous Sheet Cake

    1. Lara Butera
      September 21, 2017 at 12:20 pm (4 weeks ago)

      so freaking funny

      Reply
    2. Ali A
      September 20, 2017 at 8:25 pm (4 weeks ago)

      I obviously knew you had a great sense of humor butttttttttt I love hearing you’re a prankster and have a bit of that juvenile humor in ya, too! Life’s too short to be all boring and serious.

      Reply
    3. MissPond
      September 20, 2017 at 4:34 am (4 weeks ago)

      Brilliant post- fantastic pranks! I love the cake creations 🙂

      Reply
    4. M Williams
      September 20, 2017 at 3:38 am (4 weeks ago)

      Ha! I wouldn’t have the guts to do this. Love the Elvis cake

      Reply
    5. Emily
      September 19, 2017 at 8:27 pm (4 weeks ago)

      I needed this today! I hope a Jacqui post is next. And if you want to drink wine and prank call people this weekend, I’m all in!

      Reply
      • Kristin
        September 19, 2017 at 9:06 pm (4 weeks ago)

        Omg, does Jacqui still have a Facebook page!?

        Reply

    Leave a Reply

    Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *