9 Things for Mom: Who says Kids are the Only Who Get an Easter Basket?


9 Things Moms Want in their Easter Baskets | The Champagne Supernova

Ahhhhhhh, Easter.

‘Tis the season for seersucker, bonnets, and Cadbury Creme Eggs.

A time for Peeps, chocolate rabbits, and Pottery Barn baskets.

Petting zoos, egg hunts, and stories about Jesus.

Easter is about religion but, let’s be real, it’s also about kids. And judging from this year’s Santa picture, I can only imagine how the shot with the Easter Bunny will turn out:

Funny santa pictures with kids | The Champagne Supernova

Santa needs a stiff drink.

Last year, I did an elaborate, painstaking post about making the perfect Easter basket for kids.

It got me thinking.

Why don’t moms ever get Easter baskets?

We’re the ones who need them the most.

These are the items in my dream Easter basket, in no particular order:

1. Deadbolts. So I can finally use the powder room in peace.

2. Liposuction. After my jelly belly jelly bean binge.

Mmmmmmm. Buttered Popcorn. Cantaloupe. A&W Root Beer.

3. Chinese Finger Traps. So I can stay away from the jelly beans and don’t need #2.

4. Melatonin. Not for me. The kids.

5. A Live-In Maid: Not only will she cook and clean, but she’ll know how to give the perfect blowout and will be able to get smashed-up cheerios out of the back seat of my car.

She’ll take my kids to school so I’ll never be late for work again.

She’ll get my 4-year-old daughter dressed in the mornings so I can stop wrestling her to the ground before daycare.

(My house becomes WWF between Monday and Friday around 8:15 a.m.)

She’d be the twenty-first-century version of Alice from The Brady Bunch.

Alice_brady_bunch

“Run along, children, so Mommy doesn’t lose it.”

6. Skincare Products. I’m a skincare junkie. There, I said it! Give me a new moisturizer or an  anti-aging eye cream  and I’ll be one happy girl.

7. Carrie Underwood Leg Transplant. Caveat: I don’t need to do any maintenance.

No squats or lunges ever again. The glory is mine.

Meow.

Meow.

8. For Eyerolls to Become Publicly Acceptable. New rule: if I’ve ever personally witnessed you vomiting into a trash can while kneeling on the bathroom floor at a college dive bar, you don’t get to act like you’re better than anyone else.

Ever.

I don’t care that we were in school or that it happened fifteen years ago.

Kthanksbye.

9. Ability to Look Cool in Super Trendy Clothes. At what age is it no longer appropriate to shop at Forever 21? Is it when you get old enough that the idea of rummaging through all their crap clothes gives you a migraine? Or the age where the thought of wearing some of their stuff in front of your grandmother makes you feel dirty and ashamed? What about when you come out of your bedroom donning pleather, snakeskin pants for a party and your husband literally starts laughing? (That happened to me. I was four months pregnant. Okay, I deserved it.)

brazilian_bikini

The Brazilian-style bikini bottom. Como se dice, en Espanol, “I don’t want to pay big money to have a wedgie?”

denim-high-waisted-shorts-9

I’d. look. like. a. fool.

What do YOU want in your Easter basket?

P.S. This is satirical.

Sort of.

Cheers! And Happy Easter. xo

 

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    32 Comments on 9 Things for Mom: Who says Kids are the Only Who Get an Easter Basket?

    1. Tina
      March 23, 2016 at 6:55 pm (4 years ago)

      I’d love magical chocolate that has zero calories and all the taste! I’d also love some No Whining pills for my kiddos!

      Reply
    2. Heather @ The Nerdy Fox
      March 22, 2016 at 10:08 pm (4 years ago)

      I’d take a solid nights sleep in mine… but like for every night. Good night’s rest forever. That’d be super. Or not having to wake up at 5 am … every single day. That’d be swell.

      Reply
      • jenniferdaku
        March 22, 2016 at 10:21 pm (4 years ago)

        Heather- I feel you. My daughter’s been up every hour on the hour for the last three nights and I’ve wanted to jump off a cliff. Boo hoo.

        Reply
    3. Elaine
      March 22, 2016 at 9:15 pm (4 years ago)

      OMG!! Your list had me in stitches!! I think I want every thing on that list too! (Does it matter that I’m older than you…by lots?) Great post!!

      Reply
      • jenniferdaku
        March 22, 2016 at 9:48 pm (4 years ago)

        Aw, thanks Elaine. I think we can all relate and we’re all in this together! xo

        Reply
    4. Nicole
      March 22, 2016 at 6:02 pm (4 years ago)

      Haha! I love this post! It’s so adorable. I’m not a mother, but I am a wife and I want many of the things on there!

      Reply
    5. Christine Anne
      March 22, 2016 at 4:14 pm (4 years ago)

      OMG i’m dying laughing at all these “Melatonin-for the kids” haha Loved this post.

      Reply
      • jenniferdaku
        March 22, 2016 at 9:49 pm (4 years ago)

        Thanks Christine! Do you think giving my kids melatonin would make the Department of Children and Families come after me?

        Reply
    6. Amber @ Amber Lately
      March 22, 2016 at 3:00 pm (4 years ago)

      YESSS!! The leg transplant, the finger trap, and an Alice!! Now someone make me an Easter basket STAT!

      Reply
    7. linda spiker
      March 22, 2016 at 11:09 am (4 years ago)

      Hahaha! I love the melatonin suggestion. But I would take it too:)

      Reply
    8. Betsy
      March 22, 2016 at 10:59 am (4 years ago)

      Love this post, hilarious. Pretty sure my sister in law would love this Easter basket!

      Reply
    9. Terri Truscello Miller
      March 22, 2016 at 2:06 am (4 years ago)

      A never-ending bottle of champagne/wine, housekeeper, more hours in the day, a winning lotto ticket, and a 6-month vacation twice a year!
      p.s. I’m from Orlando, hi!

      Reply
      • jenniferdaku
        March 22, 2016 at 9:49 pm (4 years ago)

        Terri- I grew up in DeLand, just a quick trip down I-4 from Orlando. Pleased to “meet” ya! xo

        Reply
    10. Jenn Slavich
      March 21, 2016 at 10:49 pm (4 years ago)

      Haha love this! I’d love all of that AND a driver so I can drink wine with lunch and dinner and still get the things that need to be done, done. Great list, I think I will ask for all of it this Easter 🙂

      Reply
    11. kristen
      March 21, 2016 at 4:40 pm (4 years ago)

      This is hilarious. I second Carry Underwood legs and a house cleaner. I would like something similar to the eyeroll, but maybe a little more agressive and something that always provides me with wine!

      Reply
      • jenniferdaku
        March 21, 2016 at 8:39 pm (4 years ago)

        Kristen I love these suggestions. If I had someone always following me around with wine for when I was stressed, I’d be drunk!!!

        Reply
    12. klauss
      March 21, 2016 at 4:14 pm (4 years ago)

      Santa is lovely, but I think he’s just tired 🙂

      Reply
      • jenniferdaku
        March 21, 2016 at 8:39 pm (4 years ago)

        Ha- my kids were the worst from the day. So I heard.

        Reply
    13. Rhiannon
      March 21, 2016 at 3:05 pm (4 years ago)

      Carrie Underwood’s legs? Yes please. An IV hooked to a bag of my favorite wine for emergencies when I can’t get the cork out (weak girl problems). Oh, and for cell reception to suddenly vanish from my house again—that’s why we moved out here. PEACE AND QUIET!

      Reply
      • jenniferdaku
        March 21, 2016 at 8:40 pm (4 years ago)

        IV of wine? LOLOLOL. Great idea.

        Reply
    14. Melinda
      March 21, 2016 at 1:59 pm (4 years ago)

      I don’t need Carrie’s legs, I wear pants. So those are all yours. But a housekeeper?? YES, please!!
      And more chocolates with caramel inside.
      And air conditioning for my car. (I live in Fl. I wonder how I live thru the summer.)

      Reply
      • jenniferdaku
        March 21, 2016 at 8:40 pm (4 years ago)

        Melinda- you’re in Florida? Where? I’m in Tampa.

        Reply
    15. Whitney Jordan
      March 21, 2016 at 1:52 pm (4 years ago)

      Carrie Underwood legs with no maintenance required would be a pretty amazing gift! I’d love someone to make all the phone calls for me and wait on hold forever for me, someone to do my hair and make up for me and someone to potty train my toddler. Please and thank you 🙂

      Reply
      • jenniferdaku
        March 21, 2016 at 8:40 pm (4 years ago)

        Whitney- I love all of these ideas. A personal assistant? Check, check, check!

        Reply
    16. Kim
      March 21, 2016 at 12:52 pm (4 years ago)

      I’ll also take the foot massage, maid, leg transplant and definitely the socially acceptable eye roll…I think that is my favorite!!!! So funny and true…just add a plane to ticket to any destination of my choice and it’s perfect

      Reply
      • jenniferdaku
        March 21, 2016 at 12:54 pm (4 years ago)

        Ohhhh that’s a good one too!!!! Beam me up, Scotty!

        Reply
    17. lauren
      March 21, 2016 at 11:20 am (4 years ago)

      Haha! I look at stuff on sites like forever 21 and think.. never happening, but it is so cute! And are you telling me that eye-rolling isnt socially acceptable?

      Reply
      • jenniferdaku
        March 21, 2016 at 12:55 pm (4 years ago)

        Oh Lauren, I internally roll my eyes all the flipping time! 🙂

        Reply
    18. Sara Glomski
      March 21, 2016 at 10:18 am (4 years ago)

      Love it. At least 5 min more on the pedicure massage foot rub while I eat buttered popcorn jelly beans. yes please! Happy Easter!

      Reply
    19. Sarah Morgan Thompson
      March 21, 2016 at 9:40 am (4 years ago)

      I want a few extra hours in the day, or said house keeper who can also read my mind so my to-do list actually gets done. I’ll take the melatonin for myself, that pesky to-do list keeps me up too late every night. It’s ok for birth announcements to go out anytime before baby turns 1 right?

      Reply
    20. Cait
      March 21, 2016 at 8:01 am (4 years ago)

      this could not be truer ha! and yes we all want carrie’s legs for sure!!

      Reply

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