#Sorrynotsorry: Parenting Edition


Eight things I refuse to apologize about in parenting. | The Champagne Supernova

As a society, we’re always apologizing for something.

Apologizing that someone got their feelings hurt about something that wasn’t meant to be taken personally. Apologizing for having an opinion about a topic that isn’t the popularly-accepted view. Apologizing for just being our own imperfect selves.

Don’t get me wrong. There are times an apology is appropriate and necessary.

Then there’s times it’s not.

A couple months ago, one of my favorite bloggers, Allison, at the AA blog compiled a list of all the things she was tired of apologizing for. It was genius!

So- here’s a list of eight parenting things I will never ever apologize for.

I like to call them the “sorrynotsorry” list.

Midnight Snuggle Time. I’ve read all the books that say co-sleeping is a cardinal sin. Ok, I’m lying. I haven’t read any of them because I just call my mom when I need parenting advice. However, I’m sure Dr. Benjamin Spock would agree that co-sleeping is a bad idea and blah blah blah. When my three-year-old comes into my room in the middle of the night, says she had a bad dream, and asks if she can snuggle, the answer isn’t just “yes,” it’s “Heck YES!”

There will eventually come a time when my girls would rather spend the evening at a slumber party chatting about boys over popcorn with their friends than hanging out with little ole’ me. This time with them now is sacred, short, and fleeting. So during the “in-between” time, my kids are free to crawl into bed with me and I’ll protect them from the Boogie Man. #Sorrynotsorry.

Disciplining my Children in Public. I won’t allow my children to “get away” with bad behavior in public. Permitting them to act like brats by not giving them immediate, age-appropriate, consequences is a loving effort to help them to grow up and be functioning, socially intelligent adults. Usually, this punishment entails hauling off my children to the nearest restroom or private area and putting them in “time out” until they cool it and can return to the group. Or taking away a toy or piece of candy no matter how loudly they protest. Absent certain circumstances, I won’t avoid confrontation for the sake of not making a scene. Because I love them. #Sorrynotsorry. 

Unreturned Phone Calls. Having kids has somewhat taken a toll on my social life. Before I had children, I’d use every opportunity to catch up with my girlfriends on the phone while I was in the car. Orlando. Miami. Atlanta. Fort Lauderdale. Nashville. D.C. Chicago. Gals in all different area codes. Some of these conversations happened when my kids were in the car with me. However, once my oldest daughter got to the age where she wanted my attention, I decided, once and for all, that I wouldn’t engage in non-essential phone conversations while she was riding with me.

So instead of jabbering on the phone with a girlfriend regarding what’s going on at work or the best new local restaurant, I’m having a real conversation with my daughters about what they did at school, books they love, what they want for dinner, and how they want to spend the few hours between coming home from daycare and bedtime. And it’s the bomb diggity. #Sorrynotsorry.

De-Emphasis on Physical Appearance. When I’m around my kids, I make a conscious effort to never comment on another person’s appearance or my own physical insecurities. They don’t need to know about whether so-and-so is beautiful, if so-and-so needs to lose weight, or whether I’m frustrated that my pants don’t fit the way they used to and even my Spanx are getting too tight (darn!) Who really flipping cares about these things?

Part of growing up is realizing what matters and what doesn’t. And while these things were “important” to me during the immature days of my youth, talking about them now is an unproductive, shallow waste of time. I don’t want my girls to notice whether other women are pretty, have a perfect body, or wear nice clothes.  I want them to notice whether they are kind, interesting, encouraging, funny, talented, engaging, and smart. I want them to be someone’s friend for who they are on the inside and not for what they look like, who they associate with, or what they have. #Sorrynotsorry.

Saying No. I read somewhere that unless an invite is a resounding “Hell Yes,” then it should be a “no.” I’ve begun using this mantra as a litmus test for deciding whether to accept an invitation. If something isn’t “family friendly” and it doesn’t involve people I love and truly want to hang out with, then the answer is “no.” Plain and simple. (Make no mistake, there are times I do want to say yes, but “life happens” and its not always feasible.)

Gone are the days of doing things just because I wanted to feel a sense of inclusion and belonging, coupled with a fear that saying no would stop the invitations from coming. Life is too short to be accepting obligations that we aren’t excited to be accepting or purposely hanging out with people who don’t give us the “warm and fuzzies.” #Sorrynotsorry.

Being Real. I don’t care if wearing mismatched, off-brand workout clothes to the gym isn’t cool. I’m gonna wear them anyway. I don’t care if my jokes are dumb and I think I’m funny when nobody else thinks so. I’m gonna tell them anyway. I certainly don’t care that I’m 34 and still use words like dork and dweeb and Jee Whiz and bomb diggity (see #3 above). I’m gonna say them anyway. I want to set an example to my children to be the people who God made them to be with complete freedom from other people’s opinions. #Sorrynotsorry. 

Being Obsessed with my Kids. I get it. Other than my husband, family, and close friends, nobody really cares about the funny things my oldest daughter said on the way to school, who their favorite teachers are, or their newest book and movie craze. That said, I’m going to tell the stories anyway and will not feel ashamed about being obsessed with my kids. On that token, I will listen with an open heart to anecdotes other people share about their children and will let them have their turns to be obsessed and will celebrate it. #Sorrynotsorry. 

Making time for Myself. I can’t take care of my family if I don’t take care of myself. I learned this the hard way when I dealt with the baby blues after my first pregnancy. I refuse to feel guilty about going to the gym, reading a book in a quiet room, of spending time with girlfriends who fill my cup. #Sorrynotsorry. 

What do you refuse to apologize for?

Cheers!

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    41 Comments on #Sorrynotsorry: Parenting Edition

    1. Annie
      March 16, 2016 at 8:06 am (4 years ago)

      I couldn’t agree more with each and every point you make! Phone calls are on the bottom of my priorities these days, I am obsessed with my kids, and I will discipline them in public! I am trying to talk about my physical appearance less these days with my daughter present because I want her to grow up never feeling bad about her body! We learn so much from our moms and we need to learn good body image!

      Thanks for such a wonderful post as always!

      xo
      Annie

      Reply
    2. Sue
      February 27, 2016 at 9:58 am (4 years ago)

      “I was smoked by a woman that looked 16 months pregnant and a dude on crutches”…I can’t! 😂😂

      Reply
    3. Sue
      February 27, 2016 at 9:56 am (4 years ago)

      “I was smoked by a woman that looked 16 months pregnant and a dude on crutches”….I can’t!!! 😂😂

      Reply
    4. Weebumz
      February 25, 2016 at 9:46 pm (4 years ago)

      Sorry not sorry is so refreshing motivational post!

      Reply
    5. Mama Munchkin
      February 25, 2016 at 1:22 pm (4 years ago)

      I’m SO with you on this one. It wasn’t until recently I became more comfortable making decisions that I knew were best for my family but that others didn’t approve of. Best decision I’ve ever made. Thanks for sharing!!

      Reply
    6. Cait
      February 24, 2016 at 8:34 am (4 years ago)

      amen to this my friend! i love not being sorry for certain things and especially my kids. balancing is crazy of course but were all making it work! xo

      Reply
    7. Christina
      February 24, 2016 at 6:29 am (4 years ago)

      These are so on point! Thank you so much #sorry not sorry and all of your blog articles! They are so funny and say so many things that I would love to say 😀

      Reply
      • jenniferdaku
        February 24, 2016 at 9:35 pm (4 years ago)

        I love it and thanks for reaching out. Whatever you have to say, SAY IT. Your voice matters!

        Reply
    8. Lixa
      February 24, 2016 at 2:25 am (4 years ago)

      ❤️ Love this! Right there with you on your list!

      Reply
    9. Denay DeGuzman
      February 24, 2016 at 2:25 am (4 years ago)

      This list is pure genius! Now that it’s compiled I realize that yes – we girls apologize way to much. I am hopping on the “sorrynotsorry” band wagon right along side you. 🙂

      Reply
    10. Tracy
      February 23, 2016 at 11:37 pm (4 years ago)

      I don’t have kids but I can totally adopt the ‘hell yes’ answer to invitations too. So good! I love your blog and your photos.
      Tracy

      Reply
    11. Bethany
      February 23, 2016 at 10:57 pm (4 years ago)

      I LOVE this list! Seriously suck at calling people back, thanks for saying sorry not sorry!!

      Reply
    12. Jenny
      February 23, 2016 at 10:23 pm (4 years ago)

      This is such a cute post!
      I don’t have kids of my own yet but I hope I am not sorry about any of these things when I do.

      xoxo, Jenny

      Reply
    13. Jenn
      February 23, 2016 at 9:55 pm (4 years ago)

      This post is awesome, Jennifer! Thank you so much for sharing. Being a mom is hard enough without feeling like you have to apologize all the time. I struggle with insecurity (who doesn’t?) and am constantly worried about what people think of me, and it can be doubly so with parenting. But these aren’t things to apologize for! I love that you brought up me time, because it’s a huge thing I feel guilty for for myself, even if I think it’s perfectly reasonable for every other mom to do! Choosing to stay home with my family instead of making it to every event – check. And those mismatched gym clothes…all the time! There are old ladies that go to the gym that are more stylishly dressed than me 😉

      Reply
      • jenniferdaku
        February 24, 2016 at 9:36 pm (4 years ago)

        Aw, thanks so much Jenn! If you’re ever in Tampa, let’s have a mismatched gym date together!

        Reply
    14. Melinda
      February 23, 2016 at 9:12 pm (4 years ago)

      I love all these!
      Shaving my head because I like it. #sorryNOTsorry.

      Reply
    15. Lilies + Lambs
      February 23, 2016 at 3:44 pm (4 years ago)

      Couldn’t agree with these more! Literally, all of them. I think the same think when I sleep with my little one some night- sometime soon she will have much better things to do! xx, Morgan

      Reply
      • jenniferdaku
        February 23, 2016 at 8:52 pm (4 years ago)

        I know! Those snuggle times make the sweetest moments.

        Reply
    16. kristen
      February 23, 2016 at 3:40 pm (4 years ago)

      I love this. Even though I don’t have kids yet it rings SO true. I’m working on not saying yes to everything. It’s so hard sometimes but I refuse to apologize for choosing where and who I spend my time with. and I think the funny things your daughter says are hilarious!

      Reply
      • jenniferdaku
        February 23, 2016 at 8:52 pm (4 years ago)

        Aw, thanks, my Bachelor loving sista!

        Reply
    17. Rhiannon
      February 23, 2016 at 3:40 pm (4 years ago)

      I don’t have kids, but I totally get where you’re coming from. We’ve become a generation of professional apologizers and I think it’s worse for parents.

      Reply
      • jenniferdaku
        February 23, 2016 at 8:53 pm (4 years ago)

        Ohhh “professional apologizers”… I love that saying! Thanks for stopping by, Rhiannon. (Love your name, btw- were your parents Fleetwood Mac fans?)

        Reply
    18. Brittany
      February 23, 2016 at 12:58 pm (4 years ago)

      Love this list! It’s so important to quit worrying about what other people think. You can’t please every one 🙂

      Reply
    19. Daniela
      February 23, 2016 at 7:02 am (4 years ago)

      I LOVE this! I don’t have children (yet), but you hit the nail on the head with your opener discussing how people (especially women!) apologize for so many things they don’t need to apologize for. I especially love your point on “Being Real”. You are my hero for still saying dweeb and bomb diggity. Teaching your children to celebrate their true selves is something not every child gets. You have some very lucky kiddos!

      Reply
      • jenniferdaku
        February 23, 2016 at 8:53 pm (4 years ago)

        Aw, thanks so much for the kind words, Daniella. I think you’re the bomb diggity.

        Reply
    20. Heather with WELLFITandFED
      February 22, 2016 at 8:52 pm (4 years ago)

      I read that blog too and I love it. You are inspiring me to do something like this too. It also helps your readers know a little more about you!

      Reply
      • jenniferdaku
        February 22, 2016 at 9:51 pm (4 years ago)

        Aw, thanks Heather!!! I can’t wait to read your list.

        Reply
    21. Just Plain Marie
      February 22, 2016 at 6:28 pm (4 years ago)

      I wasn’t sure what to expect from the title, but I’d have to agree with all of them. I’ve had six children and I’ve co-slept with all but the first. With each baby, I’d see other moms, absolutely exhausted. Why? “I didn’t get any sleep because I was up so often nursing her.” Huh? Take the baby to bed. You’ll both get more sleep.

      As for time for myself – I’m heading to town tomorrow and leaving the children with my husband. I shall be in that car and out the driveway before the sun makes an appearance. LOL

      Reply
    22. Christina
      February 22, 2016 at 12:36 pm (4 years ago)

      Ahhh…. love this!! Sharing! 😀

      Reply
      • jenniferdaku
        February 22, 2016 at 9:52 pm (4 years ago)

        Thanks so much Christina! I really appreciate that so much.

        Reply
    23. lauren
      February 22, 2016 at 12:14 pm (4 years ago)

      Yes yes yes to all of these things! Great post!!!

      Reply
    24. Jessica
      February 22, 2016 at 11:40 am (4 years ago)

      this is such a great list!!! I have only boys, and even though they won’t have the same body issues as a daughter would, I try really hard not to ever say “I feel fat” or things like that around them.. since I am their teacher on how to view women. I will never apologize for making time for myself either.. I need that quiet to recharge and it absolutely makes me a better Mom when I get it!

      Reply
    25. Lee Anne
      February 22, 2016 at 9:21 am (4 years ago)

      These are all very on point with me as well! Love this!

      Reply
    26. Kristin
      February 22, 2016 at 9:14 am (4 years ago)

      Amen sister!

      Reply
    27. Aja
      February 22, 2016 at 8:39 am (4 years ago)

      Maybe it’s because we have 5 (!) boys between us, but one of my girlfriends encouraged me long ago to always be ready to talk to my boys while in the car. There’s something about non face-to-face communication that really helps boys open up (my husband has confirmed this fact as well). Even with kids ages of 5 and 7, I can testify that we’ve had some seriously deep conversations while I’m driving. And when they’re not deep, they’re just funny or silly or productive in the sense that we’re communicating and getting to know each other better as people who operate in a family unit. One of my other friends even had her daughter make a serious spiritual decision in the car! So I’m a big fan of that sorrynotsorry. 🙂

      Reply
    28. Emily
      February 22, 2016 at 7:48 am (4 years ago)

      Love this!!!

      Reply
    29. Kelly
      February 22, 2016 at 7:36 am (4 years ago)

      Love everything on this list! I’m pretty obsessed with my daughter and take a million pictures of her 🙂

      Reply
    30. Katie
      February 22, 2016 at 7:12 am (4 years ago)

      Thanks for this! Just love your blog and you! Your honesty and #sorrynoysorry attitude are so refreshing!! Xo

      Reply
    31. Julie
      February 22, 2016 at 7:03 am (4 years ago)

      One of my favorite posts to date! I love not being sorry for being obsessed with my kids. Sometimes it seems like when trying to balance being a working mom and a plain old mom we are given pressure to de-emphasize the “mom” role at work (sad, but true). I’m with you – I’m obsessed with my kids 24/7 and I won’t apologize for it!

      Reply

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