Did Halloween Come Early? No, It’s Just Tinder.


Hilarious Tinder Profiles courtesy of The Champagne Supernova; http://thechampagnesupernova.com/2015/10/funny-tinder-profiles/

Call me a fuddy-duddy. Old fashioned. Square. Fogy.

Until recently, I had no idea what Tinder was.

You’re on an app called Tinder? Is that where you call the car that comes and picks you up at your house?

No. That’s Uber.

I learned about Tinder from my single work colleagues. They showed me the app and I shamefully giggled as they swiped right and left, scoping out the other singletons within a certain geographic vicinity.

Another colleague was telling me how her ex had been caught using Tinder while they were still in the relationship. They claimed it was their old, inactive profile but Tinder has methods of reducing the chances of inactive users (click to read more) so they broke up because of it.

The college girl in me laughed and said “eew” at some of the male suitors who popped up on the screen. The mom (and quasi adult) in me was appalled and slightly heartbroken by the superficiality.

These are real people with real feelings who are hoping to find real love, and here we are mocking them? How would I feel if I was on this site and someone swiped to the left (meaning uninterested) after my picture appeared?

Yada yada yada.

Some of this is funny.

And then we came to a crop of potential suitors and didn’t know whether to laugh, cry, or call whatever authorities are responsible for invoking a Baker Act.

I don’t have a Tinder account because polygamy is illegal and my husband would freak out. Therefore, I enlisted the help of some college girlfriends and Allison of the AA blog to help find the most eligible (!?) Tinder suitors in cyberspace. Here, ladies and gentlemen, are some of the more noteworthy gems:

Hilarious Tinder Profiles courtesy of The Champagne Supernova; http://thechampagnesupernova.com/2015/10/funny-tinder-profiles/

Me: Vittorio is what would happen if Rainbow Brite, Rosie O’Donnell, and Mr. T had a baby.

Hilarious Tinder Profiles courtesy of The Champagne Supernova; http://thechampagnesupernova.com/2015/10/funny-tinder-profiles/

Allison: I’m less horrified about this guy’s bloody profile picture and MORE horrified about his cat owning situation. Sorry, Derek, deal breaker.

Hilarious Tinder Profiles courtesy of The Champagne Supernova; http://thechampagnesupernova.com/2015/10/funny-tinder-profiles/

Me: I do enough “Paperhustling” at the office. It’s no fun. Not sure it’s the same type of paper hustling ole’ Chucky is referring to.

Hilarious Tinder Profiles courtesy of The Champagne Supernova; http://thechampagnesupernova.com/2015/10/funny-tinder-profiles/

Allison: Cool, Anthony- well, I’ll have to take your word for it that you’re good looking since Tinder doesn’t allow users to upload five photographs and let us decide for ourselves. Oh wait, they do!

Hilarious Tinder Profiles courtesy of The Champagne Supernova; http://thechampagnesupernova.com/2015/10/funny-tinder-profiles/

Me: Ronen knows pizza is the only way to a girl’s heart. If I was still in undergrad, we’d be a match made in heaven.

Hilarious Tinder Profiles courtesy of The Champagne Supernova; http://thechampagnesupernova.com/2015/10/funny-tinder-profiles/

Allison: David, your bio makes absolutely no sense. Referencing Jared from the Subway/ child molestation scandal is a surefire way to get LEFT SWIPED. Get off the internet.

Hilarious Tinder Profiles courtesy of The Champagne Supernova; http://thechampagnesupernova.com/2015/10/funny-tinder-profiles/

Me: Dang, Anthony. Your undies look comfy, for real. Thirtysomething mom problems.

Hilarious Tinder Profiles courtesy of The Champagne Supernova; http://thechampagnesupernova.com/2015/10/funny-tinder-profiles/

Allison: I… like your Martin Luther King tattoo? #IHadADreamIDidn’tNeedtoGoOnTinder.

Hilarious Tinder Profiles courtesy of The Champagne Supernova; http://thechampagnesupernova.com/2015/10/funny-tinder-profiles/

Me: It’s like Darth Vader meets a basett hound. Regardless, this picture makes me Juan-t to vomit.

Hilarious Tinder Profiles courtesy of The Champagne Supernova; http://thechampagnesupernova.com/2015/10/funny-tinder-profiles/

Me: His real name isn’t Jeff. It’s Satan.

Hilarious Tinder Profiles courtesy of The Champagne Supernova; http://thechampagnesupernova.com/2015/10/funny-tinder-profiles/

Me: If this dude committed a crime, his fingerprints would immediately give him away.

Hilarious Tinder Profiles courtesy of The Champagne Supernova; http://thechampagnesupernova.com/2015/10/funny-tinder-profiles/

Allison: Christopher has a very specific age requirement (um, does he know you set the age limit requirement yourself?) and also needs his potential life mate to have a carrear. A CARREAR.

The dating pool these days is no joke.

Special thanks to Allison and my girlfriends who helped make this post possible. You know who you are. [Wink.]

Cheers!

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    16 Comments on Did Halloween Come Early? No, It’s Just Tinder.

    1. Shane
      November 4, 2015 at 4:00 am (4 years ago)

      HAHA I can’t say I’ve come across any THIS bad!

      Reply
    2. Sarah Eliza @ devastateboredom
      October 22, 2015 at 5:49 pm (4 years ago)

      I kept being like, “oh this is the funniest one!!!” and then I would see the next one and change my mind…

      Those can’t be real… can they?? 😛

      Reply
    3. Lowanda J
      October 18, 2015 at 10:32 pm (4 years ago)

      Is this really what people are posting? Simply ridiculous.

      Reply
    4. Zully Hernandez
      October 17, 2015 at 12:24 pm (4 years ago)

      You know what? At first I was a bit appalled at you sharing these profiles, but as the list went on I thought, THEY know what they’re putting out there for the world to see, right? And it’s hilarious!

      Reply
      • jenniferdaku
        October 18, 2015 at 12:30 pm (4 years ago)

        Thanks, Zully! Like my mama always says, if you don’t want someone to know about something, then don’t put it in writing or on the internet. Cheers!

        Reply
    5. Tina
      October 16, 2015 at 6:13 pm (4 years ago)

      I’ll admit, this is new to me. And I’ll be staying very far away. But I do know that it takes all kinds to make up this world. I am appalled at the people who come into our flower shop. My dad would say, “Does your mother know you look like that?” And then I realize a lot of the people ARE the mother!!

      Reply
      • Judy
        October 25, 2015 at 8:41 am (4 years ago)

        I live in Volusia county and not so long ago a young man was arrested for shooting at someone. He had to be driven by the victim’s apartment complex several times before he located his target and attempted to shoot him. The driver of the vehicle he was in. ..HIS MOTHER!

        Reply
        • jenniferdaku
          October 25, 2015 at 10:09 pm (4 years ago)

          Why am I not surprised?!?!

          Reply
    6. Chelsea
      October 16, 2015 at 5:17 pm (4 years ago)

      LOL oh my gosh. I’ve never used Tinder because it came out after my bf & I got together and I’m glad cause I don’t think I could handle any of this hahah.

      Reply
    7. Laura @ Life with Lolo
      October 16, 2015 at 4:27 pm (4 years ago)

      Bahahahahaha! This is great! I’m not going to lie, ever since I heard about Tinder I’ve sort of wanted to get it just to see what it was like. I’m glad you cleared that up for me in a humorous way! Seriously some gems out there. I do not miss online dating one bit. I do feel though, I could use Tinder just for entertainment. I guess I shouldn’t joke too much though, I do have friends who have dated people through this app – still, can we really justify love “at first swipe?”

      Reply
    8. Miss Angie
      October 16, 2015 at 11:31 am (4 years ago)

      People are CRAZY. I seriously had to get off that app, I couldn’t take it hahaha. You found some good ones though.

      Reply
    9. Ali
      October 16, 2015 at 6:50 am (4 years ago)

      Oh my gosh I love this! It’s amazing the pictures people will use to promote themselves!

      Reply
    10. Emily
      October 15, 2015 at 7:50 pm (4 years ago)

      This is A.MA.ZING!!! Can you imagine if Tinder was around in college? I’m sure Jaqui would have called Matt and offered him a keg full of Kool Aid to go with his cheeto bath!!!

      Reply
    11. Ali A
      October 15, 2015 at 1:59 pm (4 years ago)

      Loved this & loved collaborating with you! Happy to stay on these dating apps…ya know, for blogging material. But seriously – are these really my options?! #ugh.

      Reply
    12. Kate
      October 15, 2015 at 1:27 pm (4 years ago)

      I tried to convince my husband the other day to let me get a tinder profile. I keep seeing sites and posts about people trolling others on Tinder. He wasn’t down for it.

      Reply
    13. Debbie Cantwell
      October 15, 2015 at 12:29 pm (4 years ago)

      OMG Jenn! I didn’t know what Tinder was either and now I’m kinda glad! Your comments are very funny!

      Reply

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