The Preggo in the Fitting Room: 10 Universal Truths about Life and Parenting

Me, two months postpartum, in all my acne-ridden glory. 10 Universal Truths about Life and Parenting;

Me, two months postpartum, in all my acne-ridden glory. Where on earth were my Rodan + Fields friends when I needed them the most?

The situation is one of my Top 5 Most Embarrassing Moments. It is burned into my memory like major life events: my parents dropping me off at college, the exact moment I discovered I passed the bar exam, my wedding day, the first time I laid eyes on my children.

It was freezing cold in March of 2012 and I was three days past my due date with my first daughter. By this point, I could barely walk, acne had taken my face hostage, my hair looked like a “before” picture in a Frizz-Ease infomercial, my back was sore, and I was angry at the world. I got out of bed and drove to the other side of Tampa to buy dog food, as the only place that sold our preferred “high-end” brand was across town at a Petco located in a strip mall. (After we had kids, the dogs got whatever cheap-o brand was available at the grocery store. You know how that goes.)

From the strip mall parking lot, I could see a new boutique had opened and there were mannequins wearing beautiful, “hip” clothing in the windows. (Not the type of clothes a thirty-year old pregnant lady would be caught dead wearing, if I was even lucky enough to get the pant leg over my thigh.) The entrance of the boutique was decorated with balloons and streamers.

I decided to check it out.

Maybe I can buy some cute clothes I can look forward to wearing a couple months after the baby is born.

I walked inside the boutique and was excitedly met with three adorable, skinnyyoung female employees who screamed “CONGRATULATIONS, YOU’RE OUR VERY FIRST CUSTOMER” as flashes from a camera struck me in the face.

I almost started to cry.

Oh my goodness, I am SO SORRY I’m your first customer.

They were probably hoping for a college student with blown-out hair, perfect eyebrows, and a tiny body who would look perfect trying on their high-waisted jean shorts, which were in style at the time.

Instead, they got me. With black labrador retriever hairs stuck like velcro all over my (fifteen year old) fleece jacket, pajama pants that I’ve had since college, and oatmeal from breakfast still stick in my hair. They probably assumed I crawled out from the Starbucks dumpster.

Look, if you want, I would be HAPPY to step outside until someone else can come along and be your “official” first customer.

They wouldn’t hear of it. So I bought some rompers (that had elastic waists) and an A-line dress.

I was the Preggo in the fitting room.

This whole event got me thinking about truths of life. Of course this couldn’t have happened on a good day, when I showered, my hair was done, make-up on, and I was feeling presentable. Instead, it happened on a day I was feeling my worst.

Murphy’s Law.

Then I started thinking about other Universal Truths that are consistent as the rooster crowing, sun shining, and moon rising.

1. It is impossible to get out of Target or Home Depot without spending more than $100.

2. With kids, you will not be able to get out of the house on time for the most critical time-sensitive appointments. Something will happen.

3. You will find your lost safety pin when you are walking around barefoot.

4. One-size-fits-all is either way too big or way too small.

5. You will accidentally send a rough draft that includes handwritten, stick-figure doodles to the client instead of the final version.

6. The dropped piece of toast lands with the buttered side down.

7. As soon as you sit down with a hot cup of coffee, your boss (or kids) will ask you to do something that lasts until the coffee is cold.

8. As soon as you (finally!) find a cosmetic you like, the company discontinues it.

9. The person with the window seat on an airplane has to get up to use the restroom a million times when you’re sitting by the aisle.

10. You blow-dry your hair on a day it rains.

I recently contacted the very sweet owner of the boutique to see if they could send me a copy of the pictures from the Grand Opening. Fortunately (for me), they couldn’t find them.

I realize there are “worse things” in life that have happened to people than showing up heinous at a store’s Grand Opening. This morning, I almost got into a car accident after running a red light and stopping just in time before T-Boning a Dodge pickup truck. All because I was more focused on trying to search for Bruce Springsteen on Spotify than paying attention to the road. Lesson learned and crisis averted. That would have been worse.

Cheers to embracing Murphy’s Law and being able to laugh about it.

Special thanks to the awesome ladies at A Haley Boutique for being such gracious sports! You earned a longtime customer.


    15 Comments on The Preggo in the Fitting Room: 10 Universal Truths about Life and Parenting

    1. Claire
      September 6, 2015 at 11:48 pm (7 years ago)

      This is SO true! Being the preggo clothes shopping is awkward, I’ve been ordering stuff online because of that! And the pregnancy acne is no joke. It’s the worst.

      • jenniferdaku
        September 8, 2015 at 6:22 am (7 years ago)

        I feel ya, Claire! Thanks for stopping by!

    2. Heather with WELLFITandFED
      September 4, 2015 at 6:34 pm (7 years ago)

      Love your style girl! This is a great post and I adore your honesty. Thanks for keeping it real!

      • jenniferdaku
        September 8, 2015 at 6:22 am (7 years ago)

        Thanks Heather!

    3. Melinda
      August 24, 2015 at 7:51 pm (7 years ago)

      Yep! Exactly right list. If It can go wrong, it will for me. Sigh
      At least you were greeted excitedly!
      Here from HomeMatters.

    4. Michelle
      August 19, 2015 at 9:32 pm (7 years ago)

      #7 always, always happens to me. And I ony drink it say once a week. What’s up with that.

      • jenniferdaku
        August 21, 2015 at 6:29 am (7 years ago)

        I’ve reheated coffee three times before. It’s never as good! Thanks, Michelle!

    5. Diane
      August 19, 2015 at 9:00 pm (7 years ago)

      ??? we are naming our next dog Murphy!! This was A Haley right?? LOL love you

      • jenniferdaku
        August 21, 2015 at 6:29 am (7 years ago)

        Yes, A Haley! Too bad it wasn’t The Look where the rowing machine snatcher works. I would have rubbed my greasy hair all over him.

    6. Emily
      August 19, 2015 at 8:43 pm (7 years ago)

      If Alannis Morisette decides on Isn’t It Ironic, part two, she should call you to help write!

      • jenniferdaku
        August 21, 2015 at 6:30 am (7 years ago)

        LOL! If I ever have to quit my day job…

    7. Ali A
      August 19, 2015 at 2:59 pm (7 years ago)

      Um, I love your blog so hard. There’s nothing better than being real and honest especially when everyone else is always trying to portray this unrealistic perfection. Who wants to be perfect, anyway? That’s boring.

      • jenniferdaku
        August 21, 2015 at 6:30 am (7 years ago)

        Thanks so much, Allison. That means a lot. Just trying to keep it real!

    8. Alana
      August 19, 2015 at 12:25 pm (7 years ago)

      These are great and so so true. Never once has the bread landed jelly side up. And I love your R+F callout on the picture. hahaha.

      • jenniferdaku
        August 19, 2015 at 12:55 pm (7 years ago)

        Thanks Alana! Does R&F have a “holy crap my skin looks terrifying” regimen? Because I would have bought all of it. Thank God I never got horrible acne with the second child.