6 Things I Don’t Understand: It’s Not Just You


FUNNY- People are Jerks! http://thechampagnesupernova.com/2015/05/6-things-i-dont-understand-its-not-just-you/

Life can be confusing. The following are, in my opinion, the top 6 doozies.

Acrylic Toenails. Apparently this is a thing. I didn’t know about it until I was at a “salon” around a year ago and witnessed one of the employees hacking away at an old acrylic nail so he could glue a new one to some lady’s big toe.

It was like Tampa Chainsaw Massacre. Toenail style.

I was really confused.

Failed, Awkward Sarcasm. Sarcasm is an art. If not executed properly, it’s completely awkward and, at a minimum, rude. Example:

Me: Excuse me, sir, will you please tell me where I can find a restroom?
Sir: No.
Me: Standing there, confused, not sure what to say, unaware of whether this dude is trying to be funny or if he’s just a jerk. 
Sir: Laughing. It’s across the hall.

I hate when this happens. Then I have to let out some insincere, fake laugh and I just want to ask the person why he can’t answer the flipping question like a normal human being in the first place.

I was confused.

Social Media Love Sonnets. “To [my husband]: I love you so much and am thrilled to have spent the last [x] years with you. I can’t wait to have our baby tomorrow, you’re the best person, I love sharing this journey with you, and I thank God for you daily.” 

Huh?

Isn’t this lady’s husband sitting next to her, watching reruns of The Family Guy, while they ignore each other because they are both on their phones? Doesn’t she live with him? Why can’t she text, email, call, or better yet, tell her husband these things? Face to face. Why’s it gotta be all over the internet?

I’m so confused. While we’re on the topic of social media…

Twitter. It doesn’t make sense. I can’t figure out how to make my “tweets” include a picture or how to tweet something in the first place and then make a lot of people discover my tweet so they can “re-tweet” it. [How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck…]

This must be how my grandma feels when she tries to use an iPhone. Or send a text message.

I’m so confused.

Extreme Couponers. You know, those people who spend fifty hours locating and cutting coupons, only to end up with seven hundred rolls of toilet paper and nineteen jars of peanut butter after saving $15. Do the math. That was slave labor.

The only way they will benefit from this is if North Korea drops a bomb and all the peanut butter comes in handy.

You want to murder these people if you get stuck behind them in the grocery line.

I’m so confused.

People Who Spend Tons of Money on Weight Loss Pills/Shakes/Magic Ingredients and are Still Overweight. Get ready for it ‘cuz I’m about to save you some money. Pills, shakes, and magic ingredients won’t make you skinny. They will just make you angry and give you a feeling like you’re “riding in a Chevy and you feel something heavy.”

They only way you will lose weight and keep it off is by eating healthy, exercising, and getting plenty of sleep. Shortcuts won’t work. Weight loss products and pyramid schemes are a gimmick unless they help you lose weight the old fashioned way [e.g.- by doing the three things I referenced above].

Please don’t try to sell me a product by showing me a “before” picture that was taken with you pushing your gut out, and then another “after” picture that is essentially identical to your “before” picture, except you got spray tanned, sucked in your gut, and stood up straight.

I’m so confused.

Cheers!

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    24 Comments on 6 Things I Don’t Understand: It’s Not Just You

    1. angela
      May 31, 2015 at 8:18 pm (4 years ago)

      These made me laugh! I love the Social Media Love Sonnets and feel the same about Social Media Make-Out Selfies. I feel like I’m invading peoples’ privacy when I see them. For instance, I usually try to avert my eyes and not stare when I see people making out.

      Reply
      • jenniferdaku
        June 1, 2015 at 12:12 pm (4 years ago)

        LOL! The pictures of people making out make me want to hurl as well. Thanks for stopping by!

        Reply
      • jenniferdaku
        June 1, 2015 at 12:13 pm (4 years ago)

        Brandi- thanks so much, that means so much that you enjoyed the post and are sharing it. Can’t wait to check out the rest of the posts from the linky parties.

        Reply
    2. Mila
      May 30, 2015 at 10:58 am (4 years ago)

      Social media love sonnets are the worst haha 🙂

      Reply
    3. Deedra
      May 29, 2015 at 3:52 pm (4 years ago)

      Twitter and I are not friends. I mean, I try but I just end up using some pre-worded pitch.

      Reply
    4. Stacey
      May 29, 2015 at 1:28 pm (4 years ago)

      I have always said that those who gush on FB about their spouse must be having marital problems. You could always tell how bad the problems in a friend’s marriage were by how much she was gushing about how she loved him on FB.

      I just vented about the wrap people on another forum. If someone posts about how they are doing with their fitness routine or posts pictures showing off their HARD WORK over the last year, inevitably there will be 5 people jumping on about how they can use these wraps for faster results.

      Reply
    5. Cristina @ I Say Nomato
      May 29, 2015 at 9:17 am (4 years ago)

      YES. Okay, I’m a blogger, I understand twitter is necessary, but I cannot get the hang of it! I like instagram better, food is so much better if you can SEE it instead of a description in 140 characters or less! And acrylic toenails? EW.

      Reply
    6. Ella
      May 28, 2015 at 5:48 pm (4 years ago)

      Yes to all of these! But I have posted “social media sonnets” usually just to aggravate my husband. I tried couponing once and it was the most ridiculous nightmare, not even worth it.

      And I LOVED number 6! One of my cousins sells Advocare and drives us all up the freaking wall trying to get us to buy this stuff and he hasn’t lost any weight or a single inch in 6 years. Maybe a centimeter, but that’s it.

      Great post!

      Reply
      • jenniferdaku
        May 28, 2015 at 9:15 pm (4 years ago)

        Thanks Ella! Advocare was EXACTLY what I had in mind when writing that. Cheers!!!

        Reply
    7. Jaime
      May 27, 2015 at 6:15 pm (4 years ago)

      I laughed at the protein shakes/powder/pills. =) I know a few people like that; like, I don’t want to buy this overpriced stuff that obviously doesn’t work!

      Reply
      • jenniferdaku
        May 27, 2015 at 9:53 pm (4 years ago)

        A to the MEN! Thanks for stopping by, Jaime!

        Reply
    8. Julie
      May 26, 2015 at 9:02 am (4 years ago)

      I didn’t even know acrylic toenails was a things and as an English person I agree about sarcasm (we do like to think we are the best at it) it can easily be rude or stupid!
      Quite the opposite of the dreadful sonnets though are my uncle’s facebook birthday messages. He is in his 80’s and he writes them like a letter. They are the most beautiful thing ever. “On behalf of Auntie Shirley and myself may I take this opportunity to wish you a very Happy Birthday …”etc. We all look forward to getting them so much!

      Reply
    9. Sissy
      May 25, 2015 at 8:43 pm (4 years ago)

      Your #1 about acrylic toe nails made me laugh, i actually know a person who had TOE IMPLANTS to make her toes uniform in shape. I about died when I found out.

      Reply
    10. Alice
      May 25, 2015 at 4:02 pm (4 years ago)

      Oh yes, the social media love ins are soooo cringeworthy. I have to fight the urge to take the piss out of this openly on Facebook far too often. It is just so ridiculous!
      #InspireMeMondays

      Reply
    11. swapna
      May 20, 2015 at 1:42 pm (5 years ago)

      social media sonnets are the worst! Proclaiming love does seem stupid and annoying. Esp when spoken in second person context, which they are always!!

      Reply
    12. Ali A
      May 20, 2015 at 11:48 am (5 years ago)

      “Social Media Love Sonnets” – HAHAHA! I hate those. Birthdays, anniversaries and other events mean I now have to read speeches to people that often read like they’re accepting an award at the Oscars. The worst is when the people they’re talking to aren’t even on Facebook like grandparents or babies. “To our sweet 3 year old daughter, we love you so much!” NO. JUST NO. Great/funny post 🙂

      Reply
    13. Caroline (Virginia Sweet)
      May 20, 2015 at 9:52 am (5 years ago)

      hahahahahaha I have so many questions about all of these things! Especially Twitter and Extreme Couponing….. I just don’t get it or have time for that!

      Reply
    14. Julie
      May 20, 2015 at 8:15 am (5 years ago)

      This post was hilarious and oh, so true! I feel like the failed sarcasm is most common in old men. (It always ends up feeling like they’re flirting with you a little, which makes it extra gross.)

      Reply
    15. Adrian
      May 20, 2015 at 1:49 am (5 years ago)

      Oh my gosh! “Isn’t this lady’s husband sitting next to her, watching reruns of The Family Guy, while they ignore each other because they are both on their phones? Doesn’t she live with him? Why can’t she text, email, call, or better yet, tell her husband these things? Face to face. Why’s it gotta be all over the internet?” We have two set of couple friends who did this for EVERY single birthday, anniversary, or other significant date in their lives. And I want to just HURL every.single.time! What the heck is up with that?

      Reply
    16. Lo @ Travel the Unbeaten Path
      May 19, 2015 at 10:41 pm (5 years ago)

      Hahah the last one – I keep getting these friend requests by people on IG who sell those ‘wraps’ that melt away fat… and the before and after pictures are just too much!

      Reply
    17. Michelle
      May 19, 2015 at 9:15 pm (5 years ago)

      Funny yet I’m glad it is not just me confused too. My pet peeve is the failed, awkward sarcasm. Bugs the hell out of me when people do that. I needed a laugh tonight, thank you!

      Reply
      • jenniferdaku
        May 19, 2015 at 9:18 pm (5 years ago)

        Thanks Michelle! I agree, sarcastic people are the worst. I feel like you can only be sarcastic with people you know really well.

        Reply

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