Stuff My Three Year Old Says: From the Mouths of Babes


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The Honey Badger herself, when she was almost 2.

Arden turned three in March of 2015, but has run the roost since she was just a couple months old. We knew that she’d be a spitfire but, given the choice, I still would have preferred a spitfire over a wallflower.

I’ll likely be eating those words when she’s a teenager.

As parents, part of our jobs is embarrassing our kids, usually not on purpose, when they get older. This entails showing up at school drop-off in our pajamas, answering the phone when their friends call, and generally just breathing and being alive.

On the other hand, when our kids are young, we pray they won’t say anything in public that is mortifying or likely to get us shot. Like loudly commenting about the overweight lady eating a hot dog in her bikini at the beach. Or the stinky European guy at Disney with the long armpit hair. The list goes on.

So far, in her first three years, Arden’s managed so say some hilarious things. Luckily, none have gotten us shot. Here are some of the gems:

Arden: Mommy, what’s that mole doing on your chin?

Me: It’s not a mole. It’s a beauty mark.

Arden: No. Pretty sure it’s a mole.
_____

Arden: Mommy, can I wear this princess dress to school?

Me: No. It’s a 5t and you wear a 3t. You can wear it when you get bigger.

Arden: Okay. And when I get bigger, I can drink beer and wine and coffee.
_____

Arden: Mommy, put Elle’s hand on the stove.

Eat Clean $30.00 Off
_____

Background: Arden and her girlfriend, Emerson, are each enjoying their own brownie sundaes.

Husband: Arden, can I have some of your brownie?

Arden: Hey Emerson, wanna give my Daddy a bite of your brownie?
_____

Arden [pointing at food that dropped on the floor]: Don’t eat that- it’s a casualty.
_____

Me, trying to diffuse a temper tantrum: Arden, stop the drama.

Arden [dramatically]: This isn’t drama. It’s real life.
_____

My sister: Arden, what noise does a pig make?

Arden: Oink, oink.

My sister: What noise does a cow make?

Arden: Moo.

My sister: What noise does Kuma [our geriatric labrador, who practically has one paw on the plank of the rainbow bridge] make?

Arden: pants heavily with tongue out.
_____

Background: Arden is in the car seat returning home from a trip to the grocery store with my mom.

Arden: Grammy, I have to go potty.

Grammy: You need to hold it for a little while.

Arden [confused]: Do I hold it in my hands?

Man, I can’t get enough of this kid.

What are some of your favorite things your kids have said?

Cheers!

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    40 Comments on Stuff My Three Year Old Says: From the Mouths of Babes

    1. beatriz maxson
      August 3, 2016 at 12:50 am (3 years ago)

      Ana Sofia (my daughter): Mommy, I’m going to marrying EVERYBODY (motioning dramatically in a circle as if to depict the whole world).

      Me: What? You can’t do that. Just one person. Or I guess you could marry two if the first doesn’t work. Or, none is also ok (me, trying to figure out how PC to get with my kid).

      Ana Sofia: But you said you marry someone you love…and I love everyone in the whole world! (my heart melted a little).
      —————————————————

      Will (my son, during dinner): Mom, I just went in der, yup, I went in dat baffroom, and I did a big toot. I’m a tooter. And den I made the biggest poop. It was a real big one.

      Me: Um. Thank you for sharing.

      Will: Yep (nodding with enthusiasm as if to say, “yep, no problem, don’t mention it!”)

      Reply
      • jenniferdaku
        August 3, 2016 at 6:08 am (3 years ago)

        This is hilarious- your kids sound like little spitfires and I LOVE it. “I’m a tooter”- LOL. Keep writing this stuff down, you’ll be so glad you had a way to memorialize all the cute things they said.

        Reply
        • Beatriz maxson
          August 3, 2016 at 9:32 pm (3 years ago)

          Yes! I’m so bad at writing it down!! Starting now, you inspired me!

          Reply
    2. Steoh
      July 13, 2015 at 9:48 am (4 years ago)

      Ahh…out of the mouths of babes 🙂 Visiting from #HomeMattersParty

      Reply
    3. Sarena @ Teal Inspiration
      July 10, 2015 at 6:54 pm (4 years ago)

      These are hilarious! Thanks for linking up with us at the #HomeMattersParty! 🙂

      Reply
    4. Kristine Hart
      July 9, 2015 at 12:03 pm (4 years ago)

      You have me in stitches! ‘One paw on the plank of rainbow bridge’ did it! I have a good one, when my daughter was 3 she was trying to figure what word to say, so I said: Come on honey, spit it out. She stopped dead in her tracks and said: I don’t have anything in my mouth!. Too cute!! Thanks so much, I found you @ This is How We Roll
      Kristine 🙂

      Reply
    5. Life Breath Present
      July 8, 2015 at 10:07 am (4 years ago)

      Ha! These are hilarious. Thankfully, Baby Boy hasn’t said anything too incredibly crazy. He’s more into being curious about any and everything, so I think that’s been a bit of our saving grace thus far.

      I do have a slight fear that he will use a ‘curse’ word in public though! 🙂

      Reply
    6. Lowanda J
      July 7, 2015 at 10:56 pm (4 years ago)

      OMG!! I LOVE THIS!! This would brighten anyone’s day. Some of the things you wrote couldn’t have possible come from a 3 year old. She is extremely bright…and funny!! Found you over at Wow Me Wednesday!!

      Reply
    7. Katherines Corner
      July 7, 2015 at 6:07 pm (4 years ago)

      I love her!!! You have a budding star on your hands. I am literally laughing out loud, none of that LOL stuff, full blown hysterical laughter. I think I had better take it down a notch though, our dog is seriously questioning my sanity. I do hope you will share more Arden-isms with us and I invite you to share at my Thursday blog hop. Hugs!

      Reply
      • jenniferdaku
        July 7, 2015 at 8:51 pm (4 years ago)

        Thanks so much for stopping by, Katherine! What time on Thursdays does the blog hop start, I’d love to participate!

        Reply
    8. Lee @ Veggie Quest
      July 7, 2015 at 5:11 pm (4 years ago)

      Jennifer, this is hilarious! Saw your link over on Inspire Me Mondays and just had to come read your post. I don’t even have kids, but these vignettes brought a smile to my face. Thanks for sharing!

      Reply
      • jenniferdaku
        July 7, 2015 at 8:53 pm (4 years ago)

        Thanks so much for stopping by, Lee! And glad you’re entertained… Arden sure is a pistol!

        Reply
    9. Joor
      July 2, 2015 at 11:42 am (4 years ago)

      They say the most amazing things! But thats real life, NOT drama 🙂 My son recently ask if the power had dropped out of the lamp during a power drop…….

      Reply
      • jenniferdaku
        July 2, 2015 at 9:49 pm (4 years ago)

        LOL! Hilarious! Of course the power dropped out…

        Reply
    10. Melinda
      June 30, 2015 at 11:05 pm (4 years ago)

      So funny. Here from Sunday Features.

      Reply
    11. Cristina @ I Say Nomato
      May 29, 2015 at 6:03 pm (4 years ago)

      Those are too funny! I’m determined to keep a journal for all the funny things my little ones say one day. “Do I hold it in my hands?” What a riot 🙂

      Reply
    12. Lorelai @ Life With Lorelai
      May 17, 2015 at 2:46 pm (4 years ago)

      Kids and the things they say… you can never get enough! LOL I know mine had some doozies in their day. 🙂 Thanks for sharing at the #HomeMattersParty – we’re looking forward to what you have to share next week. 🙂

      ~Lorelai
      Life With Lorelai

      Reply
    13. Diane Tweedy
      May 17, 2015 at 2:16 pm (4 years ago)

      Arden kills me!!!! “Mommy put Elle’s hand on the stove.” Dying LOLOLOL

      Reply
      • jenniferdaku
        May 18, 2015 at 8:56 pm (4 years ago)

        Thanks, Diane! That quote was my favorite too!

        Reply
    14. Sara Glomski
      May 15, 2015 at 9:42 pm (4 years ago)

      I love how she said the food on the floor was a casualty! I say that too. The funniest things my kids say are too embarrassing for me to write on here. They all seem to be when my kids see me getting dressed. They ask about my underwear (confused about the thong) and my “big body”…. they’re hilarious. 🙂

      Reply
    15. Cyndee
      May 14, 2015 at 11:58 am (4 years ago)

      Thank you for linking up with us at Idea Box link party.

      Reply
    16. Kati
      May 12, 2015 at 11:01 pm (4 years ago)

      I love the things that kids say! I told my little boy that he can’t drink alcohol until he’s 21 or his brain will shrink, then the other day I was having a hard time thinking of a word to explain something and he said “Mom is this because you drink too much wine and your brain is small?”. Ha ha!

      Reply
      • Francesca
        May 14, 2015 at 9:42 pm (4 years ago)

        Haha, that’s funny!

        Reply
    17. Heaven
      May 8, 2015 at 12:31 am (4 years ago)

      Oh.my.word. I laughed out loud. “Do I hold it in my hands?” Your daughter’s wit just earned you another follower. Seriously hilarious. So glad I stopped by from Worthwhile Wednesdays.

      Reply
    18. Pamela Smith
      May 7, 2015 at 4:47 pm (4 years ago)

      Love it! I teach at a preschool, so believe me, I hear stuff all the time! I did write dowme of the things my own girls said when they were little, and we still get a good laugh out of them. Cherished memories!

      Reply
      • jenniferdaku
        May 10, 2015 at 9:25 pm (4 years ago)

        I need to start writing all of her statements down, great idea. Thanks for stopping by.

        Reply
    19. Erica
      May 7, 2015 at 1:13 pm (4 years ago)

      Haha, kids just say the FUNNIEST things! I’m definitely going to keep a record of everything my child says whenever I have one. We kept a similar list when I was a summer camp counselor. One of my favorites: “yeah, every time i run around i get sweaty.. i think it’s the whole puberty thing”

      Reply
      • jenniferdaku
        May 10, 2015 at 9:25 pm (4 years ago)

        Bahahaha! Wonder where that kid is now… probably Wall Street! Thanks for stopping by.

        Reply
    20. Lauren
      May 6, 2015 at 4:51 am (4 years ago)

      “This isn’t drama. It’s real life.” That is perfect! Sounds like you have such a gorgeous wee girl on your hands!

      Reply
      • jenniferdaku
        May 6, 2015 at 8:48 pm (4 years ago)

        Sweet and sassy, just like I like her. Thanks for stopping by the blog and Cheers!

        Reply
    21. Julie
      May 5, 2015 at 1:03 pm (4 years ago)

      Years ago I’d bought myself a new belt with a hole patten along the length and was showing my lad, he must have been about 4, how I could adjust it to any length. “Oh that’s good” he said ” you can wear it when you are old and fat!” Charming!
      All of mine used to get song lyric wrong too, That famous Christmas song about “little old Jesus” and “ZingaZanga” instead of sing Hosanna were 2 of my favourites!

      Reply
    22. Cass
      April 30, 2015 at 8:20 pm (4 years ago)

      These are great! Even better that you’re writing them down. Maybe the kid has a future in comedy!

      Reply
    23. Christina @ Life as a Slay
      April 30, 2015 at 11:42 am (4 years ago)

      Love it!!!! Can’t blame a girl for not wanting to share her brownie. I should document some of the hilarious things my 3 year old says so I don’t forget them.

      Reply
    24. Vashti Quiroz-Vega
      April 30, 2015 at 8:43 am (4 years ago)

      Hi Jennifer! Okay, firstly, your kid is a genius. Three years old? Really? Ha, ha! 😀

      Reply
      • jenniferdaku
        April 30, 2015 at 8:57 am (4 years ago)

        Oh girlfriend, the best comment came after she just turned two. This was after the flight was shot down in Bosnia last summer. She walked up to me and my husband and, out of nowhere, said Vlad-E-Meer Poo-Tin has bloooooood on his hands. Time to get her away from the tv! Thanks for stopping by, Vashti! Can’t wait to check out your blog.

        Reply
    25. Emily W
      April 29, 2015 at 9:01 pm (4 years ago)

      Hmmm, wonder who she gets her wit from?!? Fortunately B hasn’t mortified us yet, but I told my mom’s friends when I was little that she had fur on her bottom…

      Reply
      • jenniferdaku
        April 30, 2015 at 8:58 am (4 years ago)

        LOL! Just wait until B gets a little older…

        Reply
    26. Michelle
      April 29, 2015 at 8:24 pm (4 years ago)

      These are funny! If I could remember them all I’d write a book. One that is always said from my grandson (3) is when he sees me having a glass of wine he’ll say, “Grammie’s juice.” Got that right young man!

      Reply
      • jenniferdaku
        April 30, 2015 at 8:59 am (4 years ago)

        Kids are so receptive to the difference between adult drinks and kid drinks. Hilarious! Tell him he can have a sip when he turns 21… 🙂

        Reply

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