Advice About Therapy


IMPORTANT ADVICE ABOUT THERAPY.

I’m not a therapist and have no background or training as a mental health professional.

However, I’ve received my own therapy and have encountered literally hundreds of psychiatrists, social workers, psychologists, and counselors in the decade of my practice as a lawyer. Hear me out.

1. It is okay to break up with your therapist. If you are seeing a professional for personal therapy, child therapy, or marriage counseling and you find them to be ineffective, stop wasting your time or money. Find someone else. It doesn’t mean the therapist isn’t good- it just means they aren’t good for you. This rings true if you’ve seen the therapist for two sessions or two years.

2. Do your research before seeing a therapist. Do not hire the first person you find in the yellow pages. They are not all created equally. If you are dealing with substance abuse issues, you need to see someone who specializes in substance abuse. If you are dealing with infidelity, you need to see someone who specializes in infidelity. If you are dealing with chronic depression, then you need to see someone who is able to prescribe medications. If you need marriage counseling, you might need to consider a man versus a woman and whether they have a passive style (e.g. sits back and asks how something made you feel) or an active style (e.g. isn’t afraid to voice his or her opinion and calls things as they see them.)

3. You get what you pay for. This is hard for me to write because I know it will frustrate those who lack financial resources. I also know that there are some excellent low-cost therapists- but the lines to see them can be frustratingly long. (I’m not implying that only good therapists cost a lot of money and if they charge little money, then they are automatically bad.) From a global perspective and what I’ve seen in 10 years, the better therapists are expensive. There is a reason they are able to charge high rates for their services. If you can afford to go to a therapist that you need to see and you are financially able, this is an area that I wouldn’t skimp- even if it means you’ll have to cut corners in other areas of your life.

4. Be careful who you share your secrets with. It’s great to be open to our friends and colleagues about our journeys, but use care in who you share things with. A person who gossips to you will gossip about you. There are a lot more wonderful people in the world than bad, but there are also people who will be careless with your secrets or could use them against you later. xo

Cheers to happiness!

    Gear up for your Morning Workout with Cascadian Farm


    The Champagne Supernova + Cascadian Farm Organic Fruit Infused bars

    Before I had kids, I worked out whenever and wherever I wanted. I didn’t have to plan ahead to go kayaking, biking, or to a workout class. I could wear what I wanted. I could leave the house when I wanted. I could eat breakfast or a snack before or after the workout. I had all the time in the world. 

    Some of my favorite workouts are simple walks on the beach, where I have time to breathe in the salty air, feel the sand on my feet, and hear fish jumping and seagulls squawking. I like to be alone with my thoughts and truly have time for myself before the day gets busier. 

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      Don’t Blink


      When you’re in high school, can’t wait to get out of the house and away from your parents’ rules.

      When you’re in college, you want to graduate, make money, move to a cool new city, and be out in the real world.

      When you’re newly employed and in your early twenties, you can’t wait for the promotion, get married, and start the rest of your life.

      When you’re engaged, you’re planning a wedding. You get caught up in the minutiae of choosing your bridesmaids, the flowers, the band, THE DRESS, and the guest list. And then you blink and the day is over.

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        Don’t Sweat Your Pet with Febreze and Swiffer


        May is National Pet Month!

        I’m an animal lover. I love dogs, cats, rabbits, horses,
        even cows. Give me all ‘dem animals (except reptiles… those can go somewhere else!)

        Before we had kids, we had two black labs. You can read about them here.

        I loved those dogs. When I was at work, I would literally sit at my desk and wonder if they were thinking about me at home. I even once asked my veterinarian if he thought dogs could feel love. He looked at me like I was weird and then said “yes, of course!” (After that, the vet also stopped calling me to report about the dogs and instead, called my husband, but that’s a sensitive subject for another time.)

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          Say Goodbye to Bugs with Zevo


          In Florida, the only thing worse than hurricane season is bug season.

          They’re everywhere: on my clothes, stuck to the side of my house, and all over my windshield. Their presence is a nuisance and they completely deter me from wanting to go outside.

          When any bugs invade, most of us are faced with choosing between two evils:

          1. Using traditional insecticides, knowing they’ll kill the bugs, but also worrying about the chemicals being used inside the house; or 
          2. Using sprays advertised as safe and natural that make us feel better about using them, but they perform poorly and don’t actually kill the bugs. 

          With Zevo, you don’t have to choose. 

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            How to Avoid the Flu with Indian River Select Juices


            How to prevent the flu | The Champagne Supernova

            Things that are worse than getting the flu:

            1.       Getting hit by a bus

            2.       Gargling saltwater with a sore throat

            3.       Wearing a helmet that’s 3 sizes too small

            Oh wait, nevermind, because having the flu feels like ALL of those things.

            The flu is terrible.

            And who here among us has TIME to get the flu anyway?

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              Internet Dating for Parents and Caregivers Part 2: Blind Dates


              This is part 2 of a 4-part series about finding a nanny. Part 1 is here. It was authored by my friend and one of the baddest mamma jamma lawyer moms around, Shylie Bannon.

              Once you’ve posted the personal ad for a nanny and the applicants start rolling in, you get to start evaluating potential candidates!

              It’s just like Tinder—should I swipe right or left?

              You should pay attention to the detail contained in the response. Did the candidate personalize her response, or did it seem like she copied and pasted the same message she sent to 20 other jobs? Did she proofread her response before sending it? And although it sounds shallow—how does this person look in her profile picture? Do you want someone who thinks that posting a sultry “duck lips” photo on their caregiving profile to be responsible for your child?

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                Spring Cleaning with Febreze


                How I spring clean with Febreze | The Champagne Supernova

                Things
                I like to put off more than cleaning:

                1.       Literally everything on this planet.

                When my girls were little, I hired a mother’s helper to help me get stuff done around the house. You can read the post here. Now that they’re older and we are more interested in saving money, we’ve scaled back on the Mother’s Helper and the cleaning is now left to me.

                My
                strategy: one big clean every quarter, followed by smaller follow-up cleans
                each week.

                What does this mean?

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                  I am not a Pinterest Mom


                  I am not a Pinterest mom | The Champagne Supernova

                  Last week, I was at the courthouse when opposing counsel told me his wife was busy hauling their eight year-old daughter, who is a couple years older than my daughters, to after school activities.

                  Let me see if I remember this correctly. His daughter partook in ten activities. You didn’t read it wrong. Ten.

                  Chess, soccer, French lessons, dance, competitive gymnastics, swim, violin, Girl Scouts, mini yoga, and sewing. My colleague said his daughter didn’t get home until after 9 p.m. each night and that she still had to do her homework and shower before bed.

                  Hearing this child’s schedule was exhausting.

                  Then it started creeping in: MOM GUILT.

                  As background, I have a personal policy in my home that each of my kids is allowed two extracurricular activities at a given time. Two activities gives my kids freedom to decide what to do without them burning out. It also allows me to maintain sanity, as I work part time as a lawyer and have a crazy schedule. I know my personal limits, and any more activities will trigger irritation that results in impatience, yelling, and nothing good.

                  Notwithstanding this personal rule of two activities, I began comparing myself to my colleague’s wife and felt like a crappy mother. I questioned whether my two-activity policy was selfish. I asked myself whether I was depriving my kids of amazing opportunities because I didn’t want to chauffeur them anymore than I already did.

                  “What if the girls have more talent than Frederic Chopin and I’ll never know about it because they don’t take piano lessons? Should I go online and order a Baby Grand?”

                  I stressed about it for a couple days.

                  Then I had the epiphany.

                  I have to do what is best for me and my family and own it.

                  I can lie to myself all day and pretend to be the type of mom that I want to be instead of the mom I actually am. You know what would happen? It would never fly.

                  Here’s the reality.

                  I’m not a Pinterest mom. I love OTHER Pinterest moms, but party planning is not my gift. I’m content with throwing a party at a park with a pizza, bounce house, and decorations that don’t match. I just want my kids to have fun.

                  I’m not a PTA mom. I love OTHER PTA moms, but committee stuff is not my gift. Yes, I can do it and get it done, but it’s not my calling. I love attending events and don’t have to be on the planning committee. I’d rather let other moms have the proverbial floor. I’m content being an Indian and not the Chief.

                  I’m not a Sally Homemaker mom. I love OTHER Sally Homemaker moms, but keeping house is not my gift. I marvel over the way some moms make cleaning, homemaking, and raising children look effortless. I aspire to be that way and ask them for advice, but that’s just not how God wired me.

                  I’m not the patient Math Tutor mom. I love OTHER Math Tutor moms, but if I want my kids to love me, I have to let someone else help them with their homework. Otherwise, it ends with tears, frustration, and eye rolls. Because fractions and long division.

                  I am not the mom who is going to put her kids in ten activities. I love and respect those moms. I’m not shaming them. Some kids enjoy being super active. Some kids need to burn off energy. Some moms like driving their kids everywhere and don’t mind getting home late.

                  But those are not my kids and that is not me. I’m not going to let Mom Guilt blind me to what my kids and I really need, which is time to rest before bedtime.

                  Just because being a Pinterest mom, PTA mom, Sally Homemaker mom, Math Tutor mom, or Activity mom aren’t my gifts doesn’t mean I don’t have them. There are plenty of other things to bring to the table and I’ll own what I know I am: a chauffeur, therapist, cook, knock-knock joke teller, laundry lady, hairdresser, stylist, snack-maker, sideline-cheerer, bedtime storyteller, board game-player, movie watcher, and teacher.

                  I’m okay with all those things. I don’t need to be a Pinterest mom. I just care about doing my best.

                  Cheers.

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